I Almost Killed My Sparring Partner A Zell Story
by Kiamito
Summary: If Zell had a talk show.........
1. Episode 1

**I Almost Killed My Sparring Partner**  


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_ Ok, this is a story written by the creator of Hetiz (Alyx) and another member, (Andie) We do not own ff8 or any other characters in this story, we do not own hotdogs either, however we do EAT hotdogs!_

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_(screen roll on your tv)  
**

I Almost Killed My Sparring Partner  
~A Zell Show~  
Brought to you by... ZELL!!!  
Episode #1

**_  
_**(announcer)**_ "Hello and welcome back to the 'I almost Killed my Sparring Partner' with your host.... Zell-Chan!!!!!"  
  
**_Zell-_** "Who are you calling chan??? You Chibi-Chiso-f%#^!$#-announcer!!!!"  
_~exasperationg breath lossage~_  
"Ok, show, sorry. Our first guests today, (Yes folks, TWO! That's Right!) are the loving couple of Selphy and Seifer!"  
  
_~Seifer runs from backstage off cue~_  
**_Seifer-_** "You dumb ass! *beeb* _~just missing Seifer's foul words covering up the next~_ here because I almost killed her! Not because I love her!"  
  
**_Zell-_**"Awww... Killing is always the first stage of denial!"  
  
**_Selphie-_**"Wait! Wait!"_ -runs in-_ "Then Seifer loves you?!?" _-confused a moment-"_ "He's cheating on me? That bastard!" *Beep* _~again a little too late to catch the foul language, producer turns off filter.~_  
  
**_Zell-_** _~blushing~_  
  
**_Seifer-_** "We're not a couple S-" _ Gets cut off by Zell_  
  
**_Zell_**"We're just friends with benifits!!!!"  
  
_**Seifer-** ~Glares evilly a Zell~_ "I meant Selphie you Fucking Chicken-Wuss!  
  
**_Selphy-_** "YOU BASTARDS!!!!" _~disgusted and appalled~_  
  
_**Zell-** ~fixing his makeup~_ "Show people, show! We're on TV here!  
  
_**Selphy-**_ Hiya mommie! I love you and I wanna say happy birthday to my bunnie, Hopps!"  
  
_**Seifer-**_ "Selphy, you don't have a mother. You're an orphan..."  
  
_**Selphy-**_ "Wha?!" _~crying and pouting~_ "Fine. Then Happy Birthday Hopps."  
  
_**Zell-**_ "You mean those navy colored bunnies with pink tails you drew on Squall's wall with Crayola crayons" Which one is it?"  
  
_~Squall runs in from prison~_  
  
**_Squall-_** "YOU FRAMED ME!!!! YOU GOT ME ARESSTED FOR TAKING OVER THE WORLD WITH CRAYLOA PRODUCTS!" _-violent, foaming at the mouth, wide eyes, bloodshot-_  
  
**_Selphy-_** "You still owe me 100 gil and a new box of crayons you poopie-face!" _~Jumps on Squall and starts scratching him, as the audience that is watching cheers Selphy on and booing at everything Squall does~_  
  
_~Seifer slowly makes his way off stage~_  
  
**_Zell-_**Yes! This is great folks! We have a new match today! Squall and Selphy! All because of Selphy's world domination, and framing it on Squall!.... Seifer.... NOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
_~A swing of a gunblade is heard as a head falls in front of the camera, splatering blood all over, so all that is visible on the screen is red~_   
  
**_Zell-_**Folks, todays show is having to end early becuase our camera man, uh, well, is having technical dificulties keeping his head on his sholders. So tune in next week for "I Almost Killed My Sparring Partner"  
  


_~Credit Roll~_   
  
Producers: Alyx, Andie  
This episode of **I almost killed my sparring partner** was brought to you by Zell, a natural born fighter. You can purchase your action figure at the closets comic store! 


	2. Episode 2

**I Almost Killed My Sparring Partner**  


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_ This chapter is written by Alyx._

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_(screen roll on your tv)  
_

_**I Almost Killed My Sparring Partner  
~A Zell Show~  
Brought to you by... HOTDOGS!!!  
Episode #2**_

  
_**(announcer)**_ "Hello and welcome back to the 'I almost Killed my Sparring Partner' with your host.... Chibi-Zell!!!!!"  
  
**_Zell-_** "First you call me a fucking Chan, and now you call me CHIBI?!?!?!?!?! Pull down your pants and then see whose CHIBI!!!!!!!"  
_~Red from yelling~_  
"Sorry bout that, can you cut what I just said?"

**Producer**-"ZELL! YOU'RE ON LIVE TV!!! WE CAN NOT CUT THAT!"

Zell-*Grunts* "Okay folks! Today we have a new group of people today, we have Irvine and Nida! Come on out guys!"

~Moment of silence~

Zell-"Guys?"

~A violent scream of the producer is heard backstage with the followup of a gunshot! Irvine and Nida run on stage.~

Zell-"IRVINE! NIDA!"

Nida-"I swear! We didn't do it! Irvine did it by himself!"

Irvine-"He was in pain, suffering from his own uglyness. He needed to be put out of his misery!"

Zell-"So guys, welcome to the show. What would you like to talk about today?"

Nida-"Bacon?'

~Irvine slaps Nida in the back of the head~

Irvine-"No you Idiot! We wanna discuss how stupid this show is and how you need to spice it up!"

Zell-".........Sooooooo. Who did you get into a fight to get here?"

~Irvine stands up and aims the gun over the audience aiming the gun at a random audience member and then sits back down putting the gun on his lap.~

Nida-"Hay Zell! I heard that your girlfriends a bitch!"

Zell-"Don't talk about my girlfriend like that!"

Nida-"No Really! I heard she is fat too!"

Zell-"Why you!"

~Zell jumps at Nida bringing him to the ground while Irvine just sits in his chair watching. Nida pulls Zell's hair while Zell pintches Nida's side~

~Irvine points his gun at the camera and shoots~

Zell-~Stopping~ "No! Fuck you Irvine! Every time! We have to get a new camera! Again!"

  
  


_~Credit Roll~_   
  
Producers: Alyx  
This episode of **I almost killed my sparring partner** was brought to you by Hotdogs, the greatest food on Earth. You can get your own from the nearest grocery stoore or vender. 


End file.
